Dark Roast

It's full-bodied, with a bold taste, and this day calls for it

That dark roast coffee from Grocery Outlet is BRUTAL. Maybe try Peet’s.

To hell with having a theme for the day. Or perhaps this is the theme: RANDOM SHIT. It is 2:26 a.m. in California, and I am wide awake. I’m guessing my piano friend in Berlin (where it’s 11:30 a.m.) is working on his “rhythmic exercises,” whatever those are, since he didn’t drop me one of his nocturnal texts with the usual “call me if you feel like it.” Chewing Berlin guy’s ears off with random thoughts in the middle of the night – a new and enjoyable pastime.

Talking with Berlin guy is sadly not an option tonight. 😭 Don’t wanna be rude by prompting him with a provocative photo, though I did consider doing that. Zum Schämen.

A short detour. Tracey Ullman as Angela Merkel. Fucking hilarious.

One thing I’ve noticed is that in the middle of the night, my judgment is grossly impaired. I’ve made some of the worst decisions of my life and done some really dumb shit in the wee hours. A “favorite” late-night blunder was when I wrote a long and profanity-laden email to my best bud, Julie, complaining about work and one of my always-drunk colleagues. It was a snarky and hastily written correspondence, which I quickly shot off to her like a premature ejaculation. Guess what? I accidentally sent it to my boss, Joe, instead of my friend, Julie. How I do love that autofill feature on Gmail. The zeptosecond I hit the send button, I realized what I’d done. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Joe responded immediately from his home in Michigan with a “Christina, I hope your evening improves.” Nothing else. I lay there agonizing about what I’d done, imagining Boss Joe in his Bloomfield Hills executive-style bed with its massive hand-carved mahogany headboard, deep in sleep. At 2:00 a.m., his phone pings - there is a message. From me. Fuck. By some miracle, I was not fired, though that may have had more to do with the fact I’d just closed about half a million in event sales, and someone had to execute the events. My drunk colleague was not up to the task. Joe knew this, I knew this. I fucking lucked out that time.

Amazing what goes through my head at this time of night - many stupid, repetitive thoughts… like what I’m going to wear to go grocery shopping, wtf, or what type of sandwich I’ll make for Saturday’s hike with John. Tonight I was mentally separating the laundry into three piles - all the shit I was going to bleach, bed linens and towels, and then all the clothes covered in poison oak. Yes, I was mentally separating the laundry. This morning… the laundry is still in one jumbled heap. Unsorted.

And then, as I lay there in the dark, I did my usual list-making - one of those stupid lists for which I am famous and which includes every damn thing one might do over the course of a day. Nothing was written down as I stayed nestled under the bed covers in the dark. Guess what? List not remembered. That’s an hour I’ll never get back.

Had to redo my list this morning. I think I remembered all the important stuff.

Also, tonight, out of the blue, I remembered I hadn’t updated any of my autopays with the new debit card that came in the mail last month. That expiration date seemed as far off as the sun - you know, like 25 years away via a Cessna 172 Skyhawk. It will take an entire workday to update all those accounts, no doubt. The only upside is that all the random subscriptions I’d accrued (and forgotten about) will now get canceled automatically. The downside - I was not able to do the NY Times Wordle this morning while I was taking a shit. This, sadly, is because of my letting the NYT subscription lapse. There I was, STUCK on the toilet, my purse and debit card just barely out of reach in the next room. Now I no longer get that perky Wordle message: “Go ahead, add another day to your 76 day streak.” I had to start from scratch. Brutal.

“1 day streak” - fucking lame. No one was impressed, and isn’t that an oxymoron?

I did think about getting up in the middle of the night and vacuuming and dusting because shit, I live alone, and the house is filthy. One of the “joys” of singlehood - the ability to do whatever you want, whenever you want, like vacuuming at 3:00 a.m. But the vacuum isn’t working. I could fix it myself, like I do with every other thing in my ramshackle house, but I’m not in the mood. All I can think about tonight is sex, not vacuum cleaner components. The other bit is that the spiders have created some amazing web art, and it would break my heart to suck all that hard work into my Shark Vertex.

Side note: anyone else notice that Grammerly sucks? The main suggestion it makes over and over is to eliminate the profanity in my blogs. Are these Grammerly programmers a bunch of Mormons, or what?

Hey David, guy from Boston… I figured out how you can loop the YouTube videos so you can keep my music links going until you’re done wanking off. The details:

How to loop videos on YouTube

1. Go to the watch screen of any YouTube video

2. Right-click in the video player

3. Click “Loop The Video” and it will repeat continuously

Here’s a video to loop:

Summer has arrived folks. Time to rip off your clothes and sunbathe in the backyard. Got my way cool summer haircut yesterday from Vidal Sassoon master Rebecca Reedy. Check her out at the Daredevils and Queens Salon in Santa Rosa. Worth a flight out to California. Note: you probably won’t want to leave once you get out here. Rock and roll, baby.

C’est moi