These two people are not young. It seems that both of them struggle with their individual shallowness.
Lorinda has put up with this for awhile. If it were not familiar, she would have put her foot down when it first bothered her. Or at least confronted him.
No, I think they are both used to this dynamic and the discomfort feels right.
It may be right for some people; his behavior could be ignored as unimportant.
Maybe she is confronting her own willingness to put up with something she thought was normal. And doing something about it.
They're wonderful! I can't remember when I first heard them--easily a decade or more ago--but I try to get a fix every now and then! They're an interesting looking bunch. I'd love to see them in person!
I appreciate your story about Jesse has a happy ending. You were very astute to express your feelings regarding his conduct in writing. That gave you time to get clarity and for him to have time to re-read and digest what you felt. Regrettably, many times, couples attempt to express such important thoughts via the spoken word. That tends to end in shouting without real insights.
Chris Andrews: Assuming arguendo a relationship of love and affection between two competent adults, each partner rightly expects emotional and moral support for justified emotions and rational concerns.
But neither can provide therapy to the other.
In fact, even if one, say Lorinda Birdwhistle were a professional caregiver, her professional organization would regulate against her providing therapy to a loved one, because of professional concerns against a conflict of interests.
Jesse appears to have spent scores of years in shallow relationships that mainly aimed at boosting his fragile self confidence, whose benefit to the woman each round was her having a relationship with a man who, on the surface, cares and is capable of love, before she inevitably discovers that he is needy and he is unintentionally using her to shore up his vulnerability.
Since Jesse is vulnerable, the woman receives Jesse as a kind, sensitive man.
Which, Jesse is, to the extent of his capability and capacity.
Jesse means well.
But Jesse is shallower than the woman first perceives.
At some point the relationship reaches a critical juncture, when the woman experiences cognitive dissonance between the insightful, giving man Jesse sincerely believes he is, and whom the woman believes in, only inevitably to run into Jesse‘s very narrow capability.
Jesse is shallow, and he cannot help it or suppress his shallowness forever.
Jesse will have a series of ill-conceived but ego supporting relationships until he is ultimately alone.
It is a blessing that Lorinda Birdwhistle discovered Jesse‘s shallowness in time to move on.
Lorinda Birdwhistle has a lot to give in a love relationship, and sooner, rather than later, her adventures will be rewarding.
No further questions, your honor.
I love the quote you picked. My fav line in the piece.
Ugh.
These two people are not young. It seems that both of them struggle with their individual shallowness.
Lorinda has put up with this for awhile. If it were not familiar, she would have put her foot down when it first bothered her. Or at least confronted him.
No, I think they are both used to this dynamic and the discomfort feels right.
It may be right for some people; his behavior could be ignored as unimportant.
Maybe she is confronting her own willingness to put up with something she thought was normal. And doing something about it.
Either way, I think they both will be just fine.
LOVE your analysis on this, Hannah. I think you could be right. Shallowness as a reason for the disconnect… it makes sense.
Happy for Lorinda. Jesse seems like a stand up guy. Sad that so many guys have wandering eyes. Sigh.
Sigh x10. How I do hate the flirting and wandering eyes. Ugh. Oh yeah, on the upstanding guy. For shur.
Fantastic essay. Congratulations on your marriage to a worthy partner.
Thanks for the congrats, though Lorinda is a fictional character. 😀
BRAVO! And congratulations!!
Hi friend 😘
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYCoyUxY2HY
GREAT link. Love the Jolene connection.
They're wonderful! I can't remember when I first heard them--easily a decade or more ago--but I try to get a fix every now and then! They're an interesting looking bunch. I'd love to see them in person!
I appreciate your story about Jesse has a happy ending. You were very astute to express your feelings regarding his conduct in writing. That gave you time to get clarity and for him to have time to re-read and digest what you felt. Regrettably, many times, couples attempt to express such important thoughts via the spoken word. That tends to end in shouting without real insights.
Lorinda Birdwhistle and Dr. Gene Nelson: Happy Ending for whom?
I think Ms Birdwhistle is too easy on Jesse.
Jesse has a weak ego that needs badly to be fed.
The pattern reeks of neediness on Jesse‘s part.
Jesse doesn’t have the normal man‘s eye.
I have screen crushes, but never, ever do what Jesse or the other guy does.
Lorinda: You are not going to cure Jesse’s neediness.
Even if he suppresses his desire for other female company, he still retains a deep, underlying need.
It is one thing to correct a fault in a youth at the outset of manhood.
It is quite another for a man of needs underscored by scores of years of weak ego that needs female reassurance over and over again.
My vote is for you to leave Jesse!
At best, Jesse needs to earn your respect.
You being a strong, whole person is THE ONLY HAPPY ENDING that is worthwhile!
I could care less if the ending is happy for Jesse.
Jesse is unreliable.
YOU deserve a happy ending as a strong, independent woman.
Wow! Powerful, Armand. I think you are on to something. I may want to feature your perspective on this.
Chris Andrews: Assuming arguendo a relationship of love and affection between two competent adults, each partner rightly expects emotional and moral support for justified emotions and rational concerns.
But neither can provide therapy to the other.
In fact, even if one, say Lorinda Birdwhistle were a professional caregiver, her professional organization would regulate against her providing therapy to a loved one, because of professional concerns against a conflict of interests.
Jesse appears to have spent scores of years in shallow relationships that mainly aimed at boosting his fragile self confidence, whose benefit to the woman each round was her having a relationship with a man who, on the surface, cares and is capable of love, before she inevitably discovers that he is needy and he is unintentionally using her to shore up his vulnerability.
Since Jesse is vulnerable, the woman receives Jesse as a kind, sensitive man.
Which, Jesse is, to the extent of his capability and capacity.
Jesse means well.
But Jesse is shallower than the woman first perceives.
At some point the relationship reaches a critical juncture, when the woman experiences cognitive dissonance between the insightful, giving man Jesse sincerely believes he is, and whom the woman believes in, only inevitably to run into Jesse‘s very narrow capability.
Jesse is shallow, and he cannot help it or suppress his shallowness forever.
Jesse will have a series of ill-conceived but ego supporting relationships until he is ultimately alone.
It is a blessing that Lorinda Birdwhistle discovered Jesse‘s shallowness in time to move on.
Lorinda Birdwhistle has a lot to give in a love relationship, and sooner, rather than later, her adventures will be rewarding.
Cannot state enough how much I admire your honesty and courage. So cliche but - you go girl!
😂 Amazing how much courage one can muster when using a nom de plume.
Whatever it takes to get the job done, I feel that way about my zoom persona at work. She is amazing!
lol!