This is fucked. I’m standing in the produce section at Blink’s Market, watching my daughter placidly select avocados, when there is an unmistakable shift in atmospheric pressure. That unsettling feeling — the air heavy, static making the hair stand up on the back of my neck. There is no storm rolling in. This is my daughter getting unwanted male attention. Neanderthal bachelors and husbands oblivious to me, her mother, are mentally undressing her.
Isabelle — she doesn’t see it, she doesn’t feel it. She’s not yet developed a sense for these things. She’s focused on those Haas avocados, wrapping her beautifully manicured hands around each one, checking for that ever-so-slight softness that indicates ripeness — is this that perfect piece of fruit for slicing into her salad? Isabelle’s long blonde hair catches the fluorescent light in a way that makes her look like she’s been dipped in spring honey. She’s wearing a simple white t-shirt and jeans, and Reef flip-flops, a souvenir from our last trip to Santa Cruz. Tiny gold hoops. No makeup. A farmer’s tan from helping me in the garden. Nothing provocative. Nothing whatsoever that should register: “This is an invitation.”
But it does register as an invitation. Her being beautiful and healthy. And blonde.
Blonde hair is the invitation. Plain and simple. A fact made so obvious by those in the president’s circle. Think Karoline Leavitt, Sonny Joy Nelson, Kieghan Nangle, Ivanka, Tiffany and Lara, Riley Gaines, Pam Bondi, Kelly Loeffler, Kellyanne Conway, Kirstjen Nielsen, Carrie Underwood. And even Melania, some of the time. Then there are all his fans on FOX, the female commentators that stroke his ego: Kayleigh, Carley, Shannon, Dana, Tomi, Laura, Martha, Ainsley.
Fuck me. That’s a lot of blondes, especially considering less than 5% of the population is naturally blonde. Republican Hair is the uniform: a classic blond blowout, long, soft, flowy curls. Add loads of makeup in a heavy, high-glam style. Lips plumped up with hyaluronic acid fillers and smoothed with Botox. Labia lips. We’ve all seen it: Mar-a-Lago Face.
This is not my daughter. The only vestiges of Mar-a-Lago on her person: longish blond hair. And she’s had hers since birth. Still, for some, this is enough to be considered an invitation, especially for those who would drive Dodge Rams and are experts in backyard meat preparation.
Back to planet produce. Three men have stopped in their tracks in the last thirty seconds. One pretends to be examining organic kale, while not actually looking at it. Another has abandoned his cart mid-aisle to study a citrus display with oddly intense interest. The third — a guy in his forties wearing a Carhartt jacket and a wedding band — has manspread himself at the end of the aisle, blocking the exit, phone in hand, pretending to text, while glancing furtively at Isabelle, with some expectation that she will, eventually, have to make her way down this aisle.
I know what they’re seeing. I’ve watched this happen since Isabelle was fourteen.
They’re seeing the uniform.
Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Feminine softness. In this town, at this particular moment in history, these physical traits are like an SMS text. They catch your attention. They deliver an important message in as few words as possible. Available. Submissive. Traditional.
Vulnerable adult on the loose.
Men generally don’t have the self-awareness to know they’re reading her in this way, and they’d be offended if you suggested it. They’d insist they were just appreciating beauty, just being friendly, just making conversation. But I’ve been documenting this pattern for months now, and the data doesn’t lie. They are predators. Entitled fucking predators.
To them, my daughter’s appearance is a promise that she’ll be all that. The perfect lover, girlfriend, wife, servant, hausfrau, masseuse. Punching bag.
But that’s a promise she never made to any of them. The fuckers.
Laura, thank god, pulls me out of this dystopian reverie by lightly punching me in the arm — an emotional inoculation, of sorts — something she does whenever I’m losing my cookies. Laura’s got a big basket of heirloom tomatoes, and seeing that has me reminiscing about the NY Times recipes I explored over raisin bran this morning. Heirloom tomato season. Better than Christmas, that’s for sure. Gazpacho, marinara sauce, caprese salad. My basil is going crazy — time to use it for more than a border in my veg garden.
Laura follows my gaze, clocks the three men, then looks back at me. “How many have you seen so far today?”
“Three visible. Probably more.”
Laura’s a microbiologist whose side hustle is doing research for some pretty famous true crime podcasts. She’s got the same observational discipline I do — the same refusal to look away from uncomfortable patterns. We’ve been friends since elementary school, and lately, we’ve been conducting an informal study on male behavior in public spaces. A real eye-opener —behavior egregious enough to drive Carrie Nation to drink. For those of you who slept through Mr. Dixon’s U.S. history class, imagine a slight, old woman in granny glasses wielding a massive hatchet. Unhinged is a word I have often seen used in describing her temperance-fueled rampages through illegal saloons at the turn of the century. We could use a woman like her about now.
“Carhartt guy’s been following her since dairy,” Laura says quietly. “I saw him turn around when she walked past the yogurt.”
Laura moves toward the bagged salads, inserting herself between Carhartt guy and Isabelle. Carhartt predictably shifts position to maintain his sightline. The kale examiner abandons his post and drifts closer. It’s like watching sharks circle.
This is the part that makes my blood pressure spike: none of this is illegal. They’re not touching her. They’re not speaking to her. They’re just... present. Hovering. Tracking. Creating an ambient pressure that makes her shoulders tense even though she can’t articulate why.
I’ve asked her about this numerous times. “Do you notice the men watching you?”
“Sometimes,” she said. “But I don’t want to be paranoid. I don’t want to be one of those women who thinks every man is a threat.” Please, baby girl. Think every man is a threat. Be pleasantly surprised when one isn’t.
I know, I know. I am partially responsible for this because we’ve spent her entire life teaching her not to be rude. Not to overreact. Not to make a scene. Not sure what I was thinking. You have no idea how difficult it has been to change this behavior. It is ingrained.
In addition to our observations in the field, Laura and I have spent the last three months discovering exactly what it is these men do online. What they watch, the images of women they pass back and forth, the long discussions on what women want and how they should be treated. And then mindless banter about workout routines and what peptides to take for looksmaxxing and body optimization. Whatever thought process allows a person to buy into this bullshit opens up a path for other loony tunes to insert their counterpoint into the score for the Collective Psychotic Symphony. Composer: Andrew Tate.
My morbid fascination with all things manosphere started when Isabelle mentioned, casually, that her ex-boyfriend Caden had started talking differently, using expressions like “high-value male,” “body count,” and “pair bonding.” Isabelle laughed when she talked about it, but her unease was palpable.
So, rather than exploding about what I was learning, I took to exploring. It helped me dissipate some of this anger, and to harness the rest of it to something good, something that would affect change. Exactly what that might be had yet to reveal itself, but the goal foremost in mind: put these men where they belong and where they can no longer hurt women. Put them in jail. Put them out of business. Put them down — hey, I’m talking a verbal put-down here — make no mistake on that. I’m not looking to take a page from manosphere playbook, which has been turning more and more toward violence.
Anger is not something for women to shove off, put away, repress. Hell, no. Women need to understand how important it is, vital to their well-being, in fact. It signals an injustice has been done. It is the energy we have been given to right injustice. I am certainly not going to fucking waste that.
So, here I am at 3:00 AM last Tuesday, deep in the manosphere forest —“manosphere” being a term I’d only learned of six months prior and now a concept I cannot escape. SlutHate. The Red Pill. Roosh V forums. It’s everywhere, everywhere, Andrew Tate’s face, his voice, his gospel of male dominance and female submission.
Tate’s got 15 million followers. Fifteen million men and boys absorbing his message: women are property, rape is the victim’s fault, violence is correction.
Pretending to be a 20-some-year-old male from NorCal, I found Caden’s Snapchat. Then Milo’s. Then Javier’s, Mark’s, Zane’s. All of them — boys I’ve known since they were in elementary school, when they were classmates with Isabelle — all of them posting Tate quotes, sharing links to banned videos, using coded language to discuss women.
They had a nickname for my daughter: “Blonde.”
Their posts were carefully done. Though Snapchat’s word filters are idiotic, if not entirely useless, the boys were using cleverly disguised language to avoid any chance of getting kicked off the platform. This was home base. Their batcave. And they were highly protective of it.
Though their terminology was a bit cryptic, the meaning in these posts was inescapable. There was crude speculation about Blonde’s body. Complaints about her “attitude.” Suggestions about what she “needed.” Oh, god. No mother wants to read this shit.
One post from Milo, the art student Isabelle had mentioned having coffee with, read: “If you put yourself in a position to be raped, you must bear some responsibility.” The quote had no attribution, and most would likely assume Milo had come up with that piece of sage advice. But I knew this after only one encounter with the boy: he was not that smart.
That was Tate’s line. Verbatim. Thank you, AI.
I screenshotted everything. Built a folder. Started cross-referencing names with local businesses, family connections, social networks. What I found was an ecosystem — not just individual predators, but an interconnected web of men reinforcing each other’s entitlement. And these men were being given the equivalent of Miracle-Gro by Tate and other manosphere influencers. The gurus were feeding their followers some fiercely fertile propaganda about how dominant men should act and what they should put in their mouths if they wanted to be in charge of the world. Many of their carefully guarded recommendations include taking SARMs, anabolic-androgenic steroids, and peptides, and engaging in unregulated testosterone regimens. Imagine what all those hormonal changes do to the brain. Much of the damage is permanent. Aggression and irritability. Blunted empathy. Anxiety and paranoia. Granted, the men look bigger and more muscular, but they are also ready to punch out anyone standing in their way at Taco Bell.
The bit conveniently left out when these products are touted is the fact that he-man cocktails will shrink your testicles forever, cause infertility and ED, and give you the libido of a man who drives a Mitsubishi Mirage. If you thought these manosphere dudes were already beaucoup angry, wait until they discover their two amigos are now the size of Reese’s Pieces. They will not be happy campers. Many boy scouts will want mommy to come pick them up in the middle of the summer, but even she will not be able to fix problems like these.
And most of these campers own AR-15s. I’m going to stop right here.
To be clear, I’m talking about the landscaping guys. And the plumbers. The contractors. The teachers. The youth pastor at the Pentecostal church. College kids. Local politicians. A judge at the family court. The guy who owns the grocery store. A young man who gives guitar lessons in his garage. Uncle Eric.
My fucking neighbors.
And their wives? The women at church who preach submission and modesty and “biblical womanhood”? They’re not innocent bystanders. They’re enforcers. They’re the ones who tell their daughters that male attention is flattering, that modest dress prevents assault, that a woman’s value is in her purity and her deference.
They’ve built a system where my daughter’s blonde hair and blue eyes and feminine presentation read as consent. She should have expected all that would come to her. That bad stuff. She’d asked for it. Anyone could see that.
Isabelle is now moving toward the checkout. I’m about to get right behind her when I see Howard Blink emerge from the stockroom. I hold back so I can watch the show.
Howard’s the store manager and owner of Blink Market. Mid-sixties, married thirty-five years, deacon at the Baptist church. He’s wearing his standard uniform: khakis, polo shirt with the Blink Market logo, wedding ring that he touches constantly like a talisman against accusation. Boy, is he stiff. In the spine, that is.
He spots Isabelle and his face does something I’ve learned to recognize — a micro-expression of ownership. He changes trajectory, intercepting her near the registers.
“Isabelle! Haven’t seen you in a few days. Everything okay?” Oh, god, those greasy glasses and clammy-looking skin. He looks like he lives under a rock. Howard brightens up as he approaches Isabelle, as if. As if he is Adonis. They need to put mirrors in the men’s room. Full stop.
Isabelle smiles politely. Trained since birth to be pleasant to authority figures. “Hi, Mr. Blink. Yeah, just busy with classes.”
“Well, we miss you around here. You know, if you ever need extra hours, I can always use someone with your... customer service skills.” His eyes drop to her chest for a fraction of a second. “Customers really respond to you.” Ah, so now he’s a “customer.”
I’m ten feet away. Close enough to hear all of this bullshit. Close enough to see Isabelle’s smile tighten.
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Actually,” Howard says, “I’ve got some new inventory in the back I’d love your opinion on. You’ve got a good eye for display. Could you take a quick look?”
Laura’s hand closes on my arm. She’s listened to the same true crime podcasts I have. She knows what “come to the back room” means. This guy checks off every serial killer box from the FBI Behavioral Science Unit.
Isabelle hesitates. I can see her calculating. She works here part-time. Howard’s her boss. Saying no might cost her the job. Saying no might make her difficult. Saying no might be rude.
“I’m actually in a hurry today,” she says. “Maybe next time?”
Howard’s smile doesn’t change, but something behind his eyes goes dark. “Sure, sure. No problem. But hey—” He steps closer. He touches her arm. Lets his hand linger. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? I like having you around.”
By some miracle, Isabelle extracts herself. Moves toward the exit. I watch Howard watch her go, and I see it clearly: he believes he has a right to her attention. To her time. To her body in that back room. He’s mesmerized by her being traumatized. He can smell the blood, though it’s only a small wound, and it strengthens his resolve. He won’t make it so easy for her the next time.
And if Isabelle refuses? Well. There are consequences for women who don’t play along.
I pay for my groceries in silence. Laura and I walk out together, Isabelle ahead of us. We watch her load her car, I throw her a kiss, and off she goes.
“How long has Blink been doing that?” Laura asks.
“I don’t know. She’s not mentioned it to me once. But I guarantee Isabelle’s not the first. He seems to have a gift for coercion and comes across as very sure of himself.”
“Are you going to talk to her?”
“And say what? ‘Your boss is a predator, quit your job’? She needs the money. And even if she quits, there’s another Howard at the next job. And another. This town is full of these shitheads. All of them married, church-going guys.”
Laura’s quiet for a moment. Then: “So what do we do?”
That’s the question, isn’t it?
That night, I sat at the kitchen table with my laptop and my folder of screenshots. I’m a syndicated advice columnist with a few million followers, for god’s sake. That’s got to carry some weight, right?
The best part of my gig is that no one in town knows that Louise Finch is Louise Falco of “Letters to Louise.” No one except for Laura. I’ve built a career on helping women navigate difficult situations, and that required I go incognito. Be invisible. But this manosphere shit — responding to it goes way beyond anything an advice columnist should be offering up in the way of solutions. Incognito or no. It’s complicated. It’s organized. It’s violent. And it has reached critical mass.
This has got me thinking. Maybe I need to have a chat with my editor, Tim. He’s one of the good guys, and I have a feeling a project like this might be right up his alley. He’s been a fellow shit stirrer of mine for over twenty years. Time to give him a call.
All of this — it’s going to require: Strategy. Documentation. Precision.
I open a new document and start typing.
Subject: Pattern Recognition
Men involved: Caden Galt (landscaping), Milo Ross (art student), Gordon Lichter (art professor), Howard Blink (grocery manager), Javier Saldivar (flooring), Mark Gedge (plumber), Zane Blalock (Caden’s friend).
Common threads: All follow Andrew Tate. All active on manosphere forums. All are old boyfriends, bosses, acquaintances, or teachers of Isabelle. All have targeted her at some point. All believe her appearance signals availability/submission.
The ideology: Women exist for male pleasure. Blonde/feminine = submissive/traditional. Refusal to submit = deception requiring correction.
The network: These men know each other. They share tactics. They reinforce each other’s entitlement. They operate with impunity because the system protects them.
The complicity: Wives/mothers/churchwomen who enforce “modesty” and “submission” rhetoric. Police dismiss complaints. Courts blame victims. The entire town operates on the unspoken assumption that men’s desires supersede women’s autonomy.
I stare at the screen.
This isn’t just about protecting Isabelle. This is about dismantling a system.
And I have no idea how to do that without potentially destroying her in the process, but I’m going to figure that out.
Here’s what I know about predators: they rely on silence. On shame. On women’s fear of being difficult or paranoid or rude. I am terrible at all of those things. Thank god.
And they rely on us looking away.
I’m fucking done looking away.
What stayed with me wasn't one particular scene...
It was the narrator's determination to observe, document, and connect patterns.
Whatever readers make of the conclusions, that investigative voice certainly keeps
the pages turning.
Bold. Provocative. Compelling. I'M SUBSCRIBING!
I write at The Reflective State, where one of my ongoing series is Mountain Mysteries—atmospheric tales of mystery, folklore and the unexplained set in the mountains of India. If curiosity ever brings you my way, I'd genuinely love to know what you think.
Wow Chris, reading this ( I have two daughters) really raised the air on the back of my neck. We really need effective, legal strategies to shame and limit the damage that these guys can do. Wherever this writing and research takes you, I would suggest to take close examination of what I think are the 2 gigantic powers in the US these days for men, across the land, and that is )1 the links to Christianity (ground zero for misogyny in the Western world) and 2, the porn habits of these guys. Since the advent of the smartphone and broadband it seems clear that porn it getting more extreme and the last time I looked at it, I thought was very rapey. Non-erotic power fantasies and domination themes. I grew up with the stolen Playboy magazine, which is so tame now, and we are quantum beyond that IMO. Playboy certainly mainstreamed the male gaze, and it was very common to find them on coffee tables in my neighborhood growing up... bought and read for the stories I imagine? So Hugh Hefner can go to hell, but the intensity of the broadband/smartphone porn proliferation is truly off the map from anything that humanity has ever confronted or evolved with: in 5 minutes you can scroll through more hot submissive, overheated bodies than in all of one's ancestors combined. And seriously, Christianity needs a severe calling on the carpet and reckoning when it comes to this stuff. What to do? I look forward to actionable ideas and I will be on board.