“A distinguished man should be as particular about his last words as he is about his last breath.” Mark Twain
by Chris Andrews
If you or someone you know is nearing the end of their life, there is no time like the present to put together some final words. Whether those words are just for you, for your spouse and children, your extended family and friends or for your thousands of followers on Twitter, well… that’s up to you. Just know this is not something to put off. Gathering up your thoughts takes time. You need to figure out exactly what needs saying and to whom, and you need to do this while you’ve still got your mental wherewithal. As blunt as that may sound, it is crucial. Many people wait a lifetime to reveal their deepest feelings and beliefs and it would be a travesty to miss out on this opportunity to finally say what needs saying.
Of course it is to be expected that some people will have no interest in sitting down to write a memoir or autobiography. This is simply not how they envision spending the limited time they have left. Some folks will prefer putzing around in the garden or watching Hallmark movies as they binge on See’s Candies. When the end is near, you should do whatever you want, right?! And why not? There are no longer any consequences for bad behavior… a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!
Many folks, however, have what might be called “unfinished business” — perhaps an overwhelming need to make things right, or to explain a thing that has eluded friends and family for years, or to spout off their views on anything or everything with abandon. Some have a mind overflowing with anecdotes, corny jokes and sage advice, while others want only to set forth their place in the family tree or to highlight their professional accomplishments. There are things on which we all ruminate, things we have wanted to say for years. The time is now to set those thoughts free and to fully express yourself.
In addition to using memoirs as a means for passing on important thoughts and remembrances, many people find that writing (or recording) their stories helps them cope with what can be overwhelming end-of-life emotions. Identifying those feelings and expressing them through storytelling can help in the letting go of previously unresolved affairs. Repressed thoughts and feelings have a way of revisiting us and sometimes in obsessive ways, especially as our memory begins to fade. We play back stories in our mind so as not to forget. Setting all down on paper allows us to let it go. Once the story/thought becomes a tangible and is out in the world, it is no longer trapped inside us. The peace of mind that comes from “unloading” is the best gift we can give ourselves, especially when our days are numbered.
There are a number of methods to consider in setting forth a life story…
• MEMOIR
This would be a narrative written from your perspective about a particular time in your life that was especially meaningful and that shaped who you are, your beliefs and what you hold to be dear. Memoirs tend to be the most enjoyable and easily readable genre for the reader.
• SCRAPBOOK OF REMEMBRANCES
Think of a scrapbook as a multi-media work of art. It could include a variety of artifacts from your life: stories (written by you or friends), poetry, photos, art miniatures, sketches, newspaper articles, letters/emails, shopping lists, birth announcements, tweets, concert tickets… you name it. The goal is to create a multi-dimensional portrait of who you are. Completed scrapbooks can be professionally photographed and then formatted into a shareable digital flipbook for those who are unable to enjoy them in person.
• FAMILY HISTORY with special chapter about you
This is a popular end-of-life project and there are many excellent websites that can guide you through the process. Though a bit less personal in nature, this format gives the reader a glimpse of who you are within the context of your family history.
• COLLECTION OF FAMILY & FRIEND STORIES
This can be a formal (or informal) collection of stories about you, written by family and friends, and preferably with photos or collages to accompany each tale. This collection will require a bit of organizing and shyer contributors may need guidance on a theme for their stories. For a more polished final product, employ the services of an editor who can take care of creating continuity between the stories and can see to formatting and preparing the manuscript for print or publishing as a digital flipbook.
• AUTOBIOGRAPHY
This is the story of your entire life, as told by you. Though this can be done as informally or formally as you wish, it nonetheless requires a considerable amount of time to complete. Most people find it helps to hire an editor or ghostwriter to assist with a project of this magnitude, especially if you are looking to take it to print or to publish it online.
• BIOGRAPHY
This is a history of your life as written by a professional writer. Putting together a biography can be a therapeutic end-of-life project, with you revisiting the important phases of your life, considering the lessons learned and contemplating how these lessons changed your trajectory. You’ll enjoy gathering up stories and pictures and sharing all with a writer who can then capture the spirit of “you” through compelling storytelling. This is a lovely gift to pass on to your heirs.
However you decide to tell your story, know that this cathartic experience can help renew your sense of identity and keep it alive for those who follow after you.
RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
CHRIS ANDREWS, writer
chris@christinaandrews.net
(415) 715-4396
Obituaries, eulogies, biographies and memoirs.
Editing, formatting, digital flipbooks.
A great resource for tracking ancestry with includes as-needed personalized help.
Affiliated with the Church of the Latter Day Saints.
Scrapbookers for hire and beautiful art scrapbooks for do-it-yourselfers.
A simple, inexpensive and effective platform for gathering family stories.