The Nightmare Before, During and After Christmas
Santa's Workshop... dusted by ICE
From: Chris Cringle, 123 Elf Road, North Pole, 88888
To: President Donald J. Trump, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W., Washington, D.C. 20500
Dear Donald:
Thanks for your executive “wish” list. Wow — it’s a douzy! I’m guessing you’re trying to implement a workaround for these projects while Congress is on Christmas Recess. Am I right? Pretty clever, sir. But do you really need to sic Pam Bondi on my elves just because we’ll likely be late in making good on your requests — which we only received yesterday?
Trust me — we are putting our all into working through your list, but it will be straining our resources considerably to fabricate signage and execute installations on every single Kennedy-named entity nationwide before you wake up on Christmas morning, which I understand will be around 2:00 a.m.
Our workshop has been under duress, sir, since mid-November, when ICE put half our workforce into detention centers, and DHS and the Department of Transportation revoked commercial licenses for 21,000 of our immigrant truck drivers. There aren’t enough reindeer and sleighs in the world to resolve the pileup of deliveries we now have on our hands and there are going to be a lot of sad children tomorrow morning. Yes, I am aware that none of them will be registered voters by the midterms, but their parents — they could blame this fiasco on you, and they do vote. Just saying.
But hey, no worries. This is not your problem. You’re #1 (or should I say #47) to those of us that remain at the North Pole. We are hard at work creating the following new signage for you:
The Eternal Flame, JFK’s, and now DJT’s soon-to-be final resting place at Arlington National Cemetery.
John F. Kennedy — Donald J. Trump Memorial and busts in front of the Holy Cross Church in Holyoke, Massachusetts.
John F. Kennedy and Donald J. Trump Monument and Eternal Flame Memorial, in Forest Park, Springfield, Massachusetts.
A bust of President Kennedy and now President Trump, at Grand Army Plaza in Brooklyn, New York.
Jacques Lipchitz‘s bust of Kennedy and now a bust of Trump by Sarah Kaufman, cheese sculpter at the Military Park in Newark, New Jersey.
A life-size statue of President John F. Kennedy and President Donald J. Trump among the presidential statues across from the Capitol in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
A bust of President John F. Kennedy by Felix de Weldon and President Donald J. Trump (sculptor TBD) at Trump-Kennedy Library, Columbia Point, Boston, Massachusetts
The John F. Kennedy and soon-to-be Donald J. Trump Memorial located in Hyannis, Massachusetts.
A bronze statue of John F. Kennedy by Isabel McIlvain and Donald J. Trump (sculptor TBD) on the grounds of the Massachusetts State House.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy and Donald J. Trump Memorial in Portland, Oregon
A bust of John F. Kennedy, and Donald J. Trump in downtown Nashua, New Hampshire, commemorating January 25, 1960, as the first campaign stop in Kennedy’s bid for the presidency and June 16, 2015, Trump’s descent down the escalator at Trump Tower after he announced his candidacy.
J. F. Kennedy and D.J. Trump Memorial, Trump-Kennedy Plaza, Long Beach, New York.
Trump-Kennedy Plaza in front of the Long Beach City Hall. A rectangular stone wall adorned with a bronze inscription plaque containing a relief of John F. Kennedy, Donald J. Trump, in proper left profile, encircled by an inscription and a wreath of laurel leaves.
At Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts:
The Harvard Institute of Politics serves as a living memorial, that promotes public service in Kennedy’s and now Trump’s name.
The School of Government is known as the John F. Kennedy and Donald J. Trump School of Government.
Hundreds of schools across the US were named in Kennedy’s honor and all will now be called Trump-Kennedy.
Trump-Kennedy High School in Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Trump-Kennedy Catholic School, Warren, Ohio
Trump-Kennedy Catholic High School, in Burien, Washington
Trump-Kennedy Elementary School, Great Neck, New York, United States
Trump-Kennedy University School of Medicine, a private, offshore medical college in Willemstad.
Trump-Kennedy Memorial School (Biddeford, Maine)
Trump-Kennedy High School (Los Angeles), Granada Hills, California[10]
Trump-Kennedy Middle School, (Enfield, Connecticut)
Trump-Kennedy Elementary school, (Butte, Montana)
Trump-Kennedy Middle School (Plainfield, Illinois)
NASA‘s Launch Operations Center at Cape Canaveral will be renamed the John F. Kennedy - Donald J. Trump Space Center.
Trump-Kennedy International Airport, New York City. The airport is widely referred to as “JFK” but will now be “DJT-JRK.”
Howard Beach–JFK-DJT Airport station on the New York City Subway‘s A train in Howard Beach, Queens, and connecting to the AirTrain JFK-DJT to the JFK-DJT Airport
Sutphin Boulevard–Archer Avenue–JFK-DJT Airport station on the New York City Subway’s E, J, and Z trains in Jamaica, Queens, and connecting to the AirTrain JFK-DJT.
Trump-Kennedy Memorial Airport, Ashland, Wisconsin, United States.
JFK-DJT UMass station, a rapid transit station on the MBTA‘s Red Line in the Dorchester neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts.
Thousands of streets throughout the United States will now be Trump-Kennedy Blvd., Street, Road, Circle, etc.
We’ll do another round of this next year, I promise. There are even more Kennedy signs that need updating in Africa, Asia and Europe. If only Hitler had thought to do this, things might have turned out much differently for Germany.
Merry Christmas!
Chris
Oh Chris don't joke ('-') only little dick can tell jokes that make people laugh. Have you been to a MAGA rally lately! They're hilarious. He has all the best insults of any president in the world. Ask the world, they can't help but laugh! Look forward to reading all your can dream up to sock it to the orange baboon in 2026. It's going to be another year of fun fun fun. You'll die laughing! As I'm English you'll have to excuse my attempt at wit.