Where To Send Your Pennies
Thoughts on Trump's executive orders with Penny Nickels
Where To Send Your Pennies
by Penny Nickels of the Bemidji Bugle
Let me express how wonderful it has been working for my new publisher, Eternal Word Publications, and bosses Zacharias and Dotty Nachtnebel. I feel such joy in supporting evangelical Christians and their anointed leader, Donald J. Trump, along with, Elon Musk, who sits/stands at Trump’s right hand, ready to do his bidding. What a blessing to be part of this.
My apologies for the delay in producing this latest opinion piece. It has been a very busy month at the Bugle for little ol’ me, as it was recently determined that my skills were more than sufficient to cover the workload previously done by my staff of 17. What a compliment, truly — my employers having so much confidence in my abilities and stamina. Thoughts and prayers to my longtime colleagues as they search for other employment in our tiny community. Or have to sell their homes and relocate.
I thought we might start off the week reviewing the progress made on our President’s vision for the New Golden Age, as described in his inaugural address:
“The Golden Age of America begins right now,” President Trump began. “During every single day of the Trump administration, I will very simply put America first. Our top priority will be to create a nation that is proud, prosperous, and free.”
“The United States will once again consider itself a growing nation,” he said. “One that increases our wealth, expands our territory, builds our cities, raises our expectations, and carries our flag into new and beautiful horizons. And we will pursue our manifest destiny into the stars.”
Oh! My heart is bursting with pride. For those of you who love Trump’s distinctive hyperbole, be sure to catch the rest of his rousing inaugural speech (plus the National Catholic Register’s zealous editorial commentary) at “President Trump Lays Out His Vision for a New Golden Age for the U.S.” It should be noted that NCR backs President Trump 100%, and in doing so has turned a blind eye to his three marriages, extramarital affairs, and his other transgressions (see Commandments 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10). The question: is the Pope cool with all of this? Apparently yes.
Of course, NCR has also extended its forgiveness and understanding to the pope and other leaders of the Church on behalf of those hundreds of thousands of pedophilia victims. Though NCR expresses sadness for the victims, it is quick to point out that the Church itself is as much a victim as the small children their priests raped. We can all follow the logic here, can we not? In addition, as NCR points out, pedophilia in the Church is actually very rare, and it’s at no higher rate than in other religions, so there’s that. Neener neener neener! Only 5% of the priests were/are doing this bad stuff. Only 5%. NCR’s point: critics of the Church (and Trump) need to get a grip. Read more here.
The Church and its minions steadfastly pray Trump will pardon all those pesky priests so the Church might once again focus on its true mission: growing its ranks and enforcing tithing, all of which would greatly improve the economy (in Vatican City, at least). As an afterthought, the Church agreed it should probably do what Jesus actually instructed in Matthew 28:18-20: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Hopefully, the Pope will revisit the Ten Commandments for further detail on what was actually “commanded” by the Lord.
As we know, there are so many fine people and religious institutions supporting our 47th president and his policies. “Let us keep him [Trump] foremost in our prayers” — this from Dotty and Zach.
Time for a rundown of the president’s impressive list of executive orders; there are sixty to date — not quite a record, but close. Trump does hold the record, however, for the number of lives and careers destroyed by executive order. The final tally is not yet in, but the numbers are impressive so far, and let’s just say this… we’re already in the tens of millions impacted, and we ain’t seen nothing yet. Hail to the Chief! You are the bomb! Literally.
This first month’s accomplishments would most certainly be something to write home about — if the President actually had a home. Not sure Mar-a-Lago counts as his “home” since it’s a resort, but soon Trump will be sitting pretty back in NYC, especially after he gets those ridiculous charges against Eric Adams dropped and the Mayor’s shift to the Republican Party comes through. Our President is on his way to one-upping Hitler (and the Catholic Church) on everything. Holy toots!
Executive Order Rodeo, yee-haw!
Executive Order 14206: Designed to eliminate any remaining gun regulations that unfairly keep mostly white male sociopaths and psychopaths from exercising their right to bear arms.
Executive Order 14205: Establishes the White House Faith Office. This contingency of mostly white, evangelical Christian organizations will be taking over all duties previously handled by the U.S. government’s vast network of soon-to-be shuttered agencies.
Executive Order 14204: Punishes the current South African government for their efforts in reversing apartheid and in redistributing land previously taken unfairly by an oppressive white ruling minority (the National Party). Note: Elon Musk, Trump’s top gun, was born/baked into the upper echelons of white supremacy in Pretoria, and his family (in particular, Elon’s grandfather, Joshua Haldeman) holds extreme views supporting apartheid: “In an article in The Atlantic, Joshua Benton, director of Harvard University’s Nieman Lab, recently revealed Haldeman’s belief that apartheid South Africa was destined to lead ‘white Christian civilisation’ in its fight against the ‘international conspiracy’ of Jewish bankers and the ‘hordes of colored people’ they controlled.” This quote is from a recent article in The Independent (2/12/25): “Why Elon’s mother, Maye Musk, might hold the key to her son’s ‘dark Maga’ views.” If you think this sounds a bit like Nazi-speak, your ears are working well.
Executive Order 14203: Sanctions the International Criminal Court for their efforts in trying to thwart Netanyahu (bosom buddy of POTUS) from killing 46,707 Palestinians, injuring another 110,265, and destroying Gaza.
Executive Order 14202: Eradicates supposed injustices committed against mostly white evangelical Christians who were just going about their business of annoying the shit out of the rest of the country by trying to impose their beliefs on everyone.
Executive Order 14197: Wreaks havoc on Canada via sanctions for all the bad stuff they send over the border in the way of inexpensive prescription drugs and well-educated East Indians and as punishment for not obeying the President’s directive to become the 51st State of the Union, which would push California into the 2nd slot for the largest state. This would have shown Gavin Newsom who’s the new sheriff in town.
Executive Order 14192: Eradicates all regulations that might thwart profit for big business and finance and protect humans and the earth.
Executive Order 14191: Transfers all the funds that might have supported public schools to the religious right, Catholics, and rich white people who send their kids to boarding school.
Executive Order 14187: Takes important medical decisions for trans children out of the hands of physicians and puts them in the hands of uneducated, evangelical white Christians with torches.
Executive Gobbledygook 14183: If anyone can make heads or tails of this EO, please provide your translation in the comment section below. Representative excerpt: “A man's assertion that he is a woman, and his requirement that others honor this falsehood, is not consistent with the humility and selflessness required of a service member.” Huh?
Executive Order 14173: Directs institutions to return to doing whatever it was they did previously to ensure that young white men filled the majority of slots at major universities.
Executive Order 14172: Continues the cheerful tradition of ignoring the legacy of Native Americans in favor of famous (or infamous, as the case may be) white guys.
Executive Order 14171: Replaces appropriately educated and trained career government employees in “policy-influencing positions” with mostly low-IQ white male Trump loyalists who have no experience whatsoever.
Executive Order 14170: Requires the hiring of people, mostly white males, willing to do the President’s bidding regardless of whether his directives are legal or constitutional and eliminates all individuals who value an ethnically and culturally balanced workforce.
Executive Gobbledygook 14168: Let’s attack trans people, part 2: “Efforts to eradicate the biological reality of sex fundamentally attack women by depriving them of their dignity, safety, and well-being. The erasure of sex in language and policy has a corrosive impact not just on women but on the validity of the entire American system. Basing Federal policy on truth is critical to scientific inquiry, public safety, morale, and trust in government itself.” WTF.
Executive Order 14160: Establishes the Executive Branch’s new authority to change the United States Constitution willy-nilly — without going through those complicated and annoying legal channels. For those who flunked civics class because they were way too busy reading the bible (or Penthouse), the U.S. Constitution's Fourteenth Amendment grants citizenship to anyone born in the United States. This is known as birthright citizenship. And, the Constitution can only be amended by a proposal from Congress or a constitutional convention. Either proposal must then be ratified by state legislatures or conventions. Hello, is anyone in there?
Mr. President (knock, knock)… hello?!
Executive Dysfunction Order 14158: Hands the entire United States bureaucracy over to Elon Musk and the PPP (Preadult Posey of Programmers).
Executive Order 14156: Trump stokes up fear and chaos about the energy sector, while completely ignoring progressive technologies and sticking it to the blue states on the east and west coasts for no reason other than his not making their cheerleader squads.
Executive Order 14155: Withdraws from WHO, putting public health at risk in the United States and internationally, affecting/infecting hundreds of millions of people, including Trump voters. All of this — to placate the throngs of vaccine deniers among Trump’s devotees.
Executive Order 14152: Perpetuates all of those soothing election interference fairy tales Trump loves to have Stephen Miller read to him before he goes to bed each night.
Executive Order 14149: Takes a wrecking ball to The Society of Professional Journalists’ Code of Ethics and to facts, generally, under the guise of protecting “free speech”:
Seek Truth and Report It. Fact-checking, no distorting information, identifying sources, avoiding stereotypes, and supporting the open exchange of opinions.
Minimize Harm. Demonstrate compassion for sources and subjects of stories and protect the privacy of individuals.
Act Independently. Avoid conflicts of interest and corruption, and resist allowing advertisers to direct the news presented.
Be Accountable. Correct mistakes, allow criticism and expose unethical practices.
Executive Disorder 14148: 😱 CANCEL EVERYTHING! Pennies, low-flush toilets, LED lights, paper straws! These things are stupid! No one wants them. They are ruining our country.
On this burning issue of paper straws, Trump had this to say: “We’re going back to plastic straws. These things don’t work; I’ve had them many times; on occasion, they break, they explode… it’s a ridiculous situation. We’re going back to plastic straws.”
On the issue of low-flush toilets, Trump noted: “People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times… as opposed to once.” 🤡 Hard to see how Trump could be an expert on toilets when he wears adult diapers.
So what is one to do with all those stupid, worthless pennies? You can donate them to charitable causes through Coinstar or you can send them to our not-so-charitable leader at:
Trump Save America JFC P.O. Box 509 Arlington, VA 22216 Note: do not send more than $11,600 in pennies If the postal service disappears, send pennies directly to: Donald J. Trump, POTUS 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500
All pennies need to be put into flat penny coin wrappers, then shipped in a corrugated coin mailer. Yes, coins in boxes can be received at a P.O. Box.
It's super that white guys are making a comeback. Just super duper.
It's been really awful having to make my own decisions the last 53 years. It was really hard.
I could have let my husband make decisions for me, but he wasn't white.
He is dead, but would approve of my sorry attempt at humor. We were fun like that.
Thanks for the recap of the whitest EOs. Can't say I had forgotten, but any stroll down memory lane....
Louis Prima. My dad had his records. He sang with a brown woman named Kitty. They were just something else. Not a fan, but hey .
I’m sad to confess Penny Nichol’s enthusiasm gives me a stomach ache. All those travesties in one Substack is hard to digest. I’m heading for the Pepto Bismal as I write.