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David Holzman's avatar

Peanut M&Ms were invented by Ray Vernon, a Harvard economist who was a friend of my parents', who were a pair of Harvard trained economists.

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Armand Beede's avatar

Chris Andrews: Now, this Guest-Column by Lorinda Birdwhistle.

A-h-e-m-!

Where does one even start!

You gotta bear in mind, Armando has OCD, and is really particular about cleanliness.

My goodness, put Ms. Birdwhistle in touch with me, because I have got to have a real talk with her . . .

When on 2 July 1881, President James Garfield (our 20th President) was shot, he would have survived with proper anti-septic procedures.

Because of the totally unsanitary practices, medical malpractice, really, the medical doctors so infected the President, that he suffered from severe, ulcerating sepsis until he passed away on 19 September that year.

Lorinda is with a truly disgusting person.

Lorinda, herself, has a most charming laugh and a tremendous sense of humor, and she writes so well.

Jesse -- What does she see in him.

Come on, Frank Sinatra eyes.

What does Jesse put in Lucinda's drink to transform his image into her charmer?

Someone who digs through the trash?!

Lorinda: Armando with his cleanliness fix . . . instead of attraction, you should find Jesse a total turn-off.

I honestly think Jesse means well.

I mean, Jesse looks like a decent enough fellow, and I think I could drink a few beers with him and we could laugh.

But I wouldn't let Jesse get anywhere near my food. And I would wash my hands for three minutes, immediately after shaking hands with Jesse, as I would, because it is the only decent thing to do in our society.

I would take Hibiclens®, a surgical scrub, which I always carry in my satchel.

I would turn on the water, get it reasonably warm, thoroughly pour Hibiclens® all over my hands and up to my elbow, and take the little brush in my satchel, and scrub, scrub, scrub for three minutes.

Then I would rinse my hands with hot, h-o-t water. Thoroughly.

And then, I would suds my hands and up to my elbow once again with Hibiclens® and repeat the procedure.

It has to be three minutes; rinse (with really h-o-t water); then repeat the procedure.

Then, and only then, would I be able to eat a meal in his presence, from a kitchen I knew had sound, anti-septic procedures.

And what is it with this dude and Worcestershire sauce? My god, that ruins everything.

The green beans, the -- whatever that GLOB of meat was -- the corn, all doused in Worcestershire sauce? My goodness, even if Mr. Jesse Handcuffs were not a walking disease, combing through trash for FOOD?!?!, that douse of Worcestershire sauce is a big coverup for spoilt-scraps that mold and fester. Plus the sauce is black and brown and you can't see the . . . my goodness, I just thought of this . . . from the trash there would be maggots and grubs looking to hatch from their eggs . . .

Lorinda needs to leave Jesse NOW.

How long have you known Lorinda?

If you can't get her away from this toxic (LITERALLY -- the thought about what festers in the remnants and scraps he throws on her table . . .) . . .

She needs to get out of that NOW.

Lorinda seems cute and a tremendous sense of humor. What is not to like?

Share with Lorinda your value: "Men-on-PAUSE!"

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