An Epic Journey

Reclaiming the most important relationships in my life

Back where we belong: together. Rosaltha and Chris.

Readers and dear friends,

My apologies for the hiatus in getting new stories out to you. Last week was a monumental one. I took a 10-day trip to Michigan and Chicago to see family and friends I’d not visited in 23 years, and in some cases, even more time had passed. I could not have predicted how this trip would change my life.

In short, I have reclaimed relationships I thought I had to give up forever, because of my family situation, because of poverty, and because so much time had passed. But I found the same wonderful connections were intact, and it was healing to share memories and catch up. So many great times over the years, so much fun, so much laughing, so much kibitzing, great music-making, and awesome trouble-making. I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s. This trip, getting to see all of these people — a true miracle — this, from a skeptic and atheist.

The journey back to my roots was a chance to connect with the people I love and whose friendships and support carried me through very difficult times — Carl, Ashley, Debbie, Rebecca, Rosaltha, Ginny, Joanna and Bob, Carole, Brett, Cheryl and Alan, Heather, Tonya and Dave, Lisa and newest friend, Laura. There were others I had wanted to see, but my hiatus was too long, and they are now gone. My heart is heavy for having missed a final connection with these loved ones and friends: Joni, Martha, Sally, Barry and Susan, Joe, Ben. And there are folks I hope to see on future trips, some in regions beyond Michigan, including Julie, Kalli, Carol C., Carol S., Bonnie, Tom, Dan, Jim, Yolanda, Alice, Schuyler, Catherine, Ruby, Karen and Carolyn, Chris K., Jonathan, and more of my students. Please forgive me if I’ve left anyone out.

I have my partner, John, to thank for this incredible opportunity. He’s the one who suggested the trip, then made it possible, and he was there every step of the way for me. It was a difficult endeavor and took all the courage I had to get on that plane, but it filled my heart to the brim to see all of you. And I am forever grateful for having the best children in the world, Ben and Ellie, who have brought me immeasurable joy.

Thank you, family and friends, for one of the best weeks of my life. Being connected to you once again has given me the strength and conviction I needed to sever ties with my father, something I should have done decades ago. I could not have taken this step without having seen you first, as I always imagined I would be out there in the world alone. And so I clung to a very toxic relationship.

All of this was an illusion, I know — the being alone in this world. Even years of therapy could not break my desire and instinct to maintain family ties, even when they were harmful, and causing distress by triggering bad memories. Those of you who have read my most personal pieces (Hole in the Floorboard, Sally and the Leg of Lamb, and The Black Galoshes) have gotten a taste of my life challenges. Know this, friends, this is a joyful day — to be free of this relationship with my father. I cannot thank you enough for your support.

And I would say this to my readers — I truly appreciate your reading my pieces and sharing your stories. That would be you Armand, Louise, Hannah, Liz, Louis, Jason, Ann, David, Steve, Gene, Jenny, Laura, Debra, Julie, Amanda, Diana, and the hundreds of others I see passing through my blogs. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I am going to publish the letter I sent to my father in the next post, with this heads up to family, friends, and loyal readers: it is intense. For many, it touches on issues too sensitive to revisit. If that is the case, skip this post. My hope in publishing it: that others will find the courage to do as I have done and will enjoy the peace that I have found.

Grateful to you all,

Chris