Life Isn't Like That
So get over it and get on with it
You’re going along, and the path ahead seems really clear. You’re following all the signs with the arrows. And you haven’t strayed from the trail. According to the map, you should be back to your car in about 20 minutes. And thank god, because you’re dying of thirst and you’ve got plans for dinner with friends. It’s a beautiful day— the perfect day for a hike, right?
Good chance things will not go according to plan, because life isn’t like that. There is no perfect anything. There are no givens. What’s more? Perfect = boring. Perfect = meaningless. Perfect is not real. Do not trust perfect, especially if it’s a woman’s breasts.
But, go ahead… plan the hell out of your excursion: pick a day with ideal weather, wear proper hiking boots, pack water, and trail mix. Just keep in mind… things happen. One of those trail marker arrows might get turned the wrong way (perhaps a prank), and your four-mile hike turns into a 12-miler. Or, you’re three miles in and find a tree has fallen across the path; back you go, the way you came. Hopefully you enjoyed the scenery because now you get to see it twice. Or you do a faceplant after tripping on a rock and round out your beautiful afternoon with a painful case of road rash. Worse yet, you have a monumental argument with your hiking companion, and off she stomps with said trail mix and water. Oh yeah, and she drove. Good luck getting home.
Sometimes, it’s best to let go of what life is supposed to look like and surrender to its flow.
More often than not, you’re gonna find yourself having to take a detour onto The Road Not Taken, i.e. not the road you chose – the other one, the unfamiliar one. You could get all disappointed about that, or you could just get on with it.
And you might find all those twists and turns engaging. And you might find yourself laughing every time you fall flat on your ass. Just saying.
All of this will remind you that you are alive. And fuck - that is something.
This is a poem I wrote/plagiarized for last weekend’s wonderful hiking leader (and feral senior), John:
THE TRAIL NOT TAKEN Two trails diverged in a thicket of poison oak, And sorry I could not choose one And avoid getting covered with urushiol Looked beyond both for as far as I could To determine a way around the leaves of three To arc around, seemed a possible plan To avoid perhaps the itching pain The hillside was grassy and without vines Though as for that, its passability unclear As it had ne’er been attempted before That morning both outcomes equally lay Step through poison oak or slide down a gravelly cliff Sadly, I kept the first for another day Avoiding the itch, I slipped down the hill And doubted if I should ever come back I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence Two trails diverged in a thicket, and I— I took an untested detour And now have a full-body friction burn
The really cool thing about John’s hike and our harrowing slide down the mountain is that at the end of it, two of the Episcopalians hooked up—this after spontaneously embracing at the bottom of that gravelly hillside. As for John, he’s a local justice of the peace and will be officiating their marriage after he gets treated for his injuries.
Sometimes, things have a way of working out for the best. Believe it.
This song has fuck-all to do with the story, but I really like it.
So glad you and the Justice survived the treacherous descent down the slopes of Napa with your humor intact and your poetic juices flowing. Though I’d venture to say your erotica might be a tick more memorable than your poetry. Just a tick. Happy Tuesday.
Hope the burns healed and you’re back enjoying life and trails again.
You could explain the “bounce factor” to John. You know, when women are hiking and things shift around a bit as opposed to women hiking who can carry protein bars and snacks on their breasts without them falling off…