Which Sexual Positions Bring You Closer To God?
I am sure many of you are curious as to why a young nun, such as myself, would take on the topic of sexual positions as they relate to one experiencing a closer relationship to God. Know this: nuns devote their lives to their religion. Religious sisters are tasked with serving their communities by helping the poor, through teaching, and in providing healthcare. The topic of sexual positions touches on all three of these services. It is always our goal to bring those in our care closer to God, and we do so by guiding followers through prayer as well as through overt actions.
When those in our flock are afflicted by poor sex, they are more likely to stray, experience unhappiness, and cast blame on their partner. Some people are poor financially, some live poor lifestyles, while others are just POOR IN BED. Most of those in the last category are men, or so we have been told. As a nun, I am tasked with helping the poor, so fellas, know that I am here for you.
I am positive many of you have enjoyed peak sexual experiences where one or both partners can be heard shouting “Oh, God, oh God, don’t stop” and other similar expressions of divine connection. This is a good thing, right?! Though I’ve not experienced this personally, I did have the opportunity to observe this behavior at a recent novitiate retreat when we secretly binge-watched Outlander on my iPhone after lights out. For all you fellas, this series is a good place for you to start. The show is produced by women and my general takeaway is that the guys in every scene of intimacy knew "the ropes." Whew! It sure seemed that way, at least. I spent a lot of time in confessional this week, lol.
The Outlander women were definitely CONNECTING WITH GOD and I can tell you this… Jamie and Claire did not stray. And everyone in that show was Catholic (except the English invaders). If you feel clueless about women generally and in particular about the female anatomy, this series will fill in all those gaps, so to speak. It lays things out plain and simple. I recommend you check out all 6 seasons. And I think your female partner will agree that dressing in a kilt is really helpful. There is no sin in that from what I have read in the catechism teachings on sex aids (https://www.catechism.cc/articles/use-sex-toys-catholic-marriage.htm). Kilts are not mentioned.
So which positions are best for men and which for women, you ask? After exhaustive research on XVideo, my conclusion is that just about anything goes for men (and know that as I took the time to view hundreds of videos, I can say this with some authority). Also, men seem able to enjoy a “spiritual experience” in nearly any setting.
Women are a bit more complicated and that’s where it is worth doing a bit of exploration. The “bible” on Catholic sex is apparently “Holy Sex!” by Gregory Popcak, PhD. The reviews on Amazon are certainly worth a read, if nothing else. And then there is the issue of “marital aids.” Pope Pius XII has a lot to say on this subject and the gist of it seems to be you cannot use anything with a cord or batteries (“it is intrinsic evil any full use of the GENERATIVE POWER outside the natural conjugal act”). This seems hypocritical to me, as there is considerable anecdotal evidence suggesting priests and bishops have been privy to all sorts of non-procreative aids (and "acts") for centuries. So perhaps take all of the pope’s edicts with a grain of salt, as there is never any appreciable punishment doled out to the clergy when they transgress on these issues. Just saying. On the other hand, perhaps hold off on that order at Good Vibrations until you’ve had a sit down with your parish priest.
Several articles in Women’s Health seem to be a good spot to get the ball rolling. Maybe start with their four recommended "positions." AND THE KILT.
Sheesh. These Catholic priests, or whatever they are, sure don't know much about anatomy. Why did the good Lord place the clitoris in an out of the way (of the penis) position if he didn't want men to kiss to give bliss? Why did said good Lord put pheromone producing glands in the anus if not to to create the desire to kiss this "disordered orifice". I could go on, but for all practical purposes I'd be repeating myself.
Chris Andrews: Excellent.
Whew, I am sure glad it is OK to . . . in kilts! Had me worried, especially since Ronald L. Conte, Jr., seems to have The Holy Rat's (i.e., Joseph Ratzinger, Pope Benedict, RIP) take on sex, which evidently the Rat's Brother did not learn from.
If one looks VERY closely at the catechetical interpretation of the learned Ronald L. Conte, Jr., one runs into the teaching of St Alphonsus of Liguori -- whose "Way of the Cross" is, seriously, a fine, almost poetic meditation on Fridays of Lent.
But the good Saint's teaching on this subject suggest the severity of a Lenten Fast! It is quite plain, AHEM, that Mother Church makes the MAN's climax everything (necessary for procreation), whereas the woman's pleasure is . . . by Mother Church's teaching . . . extra; not necessary . . .
Now, of course, St Alphonsus of Liguori was an expert on teaching about marital intimacy and . . . relations because, you know, he was CELIBATE.
So, Alphonsus kind of directs us by a form of remote control in the . . . marital bedroom.
Here is the severe teaching of St Alphonsus of Liguori, at LEAST as presented by the commendably severe Ronald L. Conte, Jr.
Here is where one can read to bask in the severity and self-flagellation of Ronald L. Conte, Jr.:
https://ronconte.com/2019/07/12/which-sexual-acts-are-moral-within-marriage/
https://ronconte.com/my-credentials-as-a-roman-catholic-theologian/
"Saint Alphonsus Liguori asks the same question: “Then, if the husband withdraws after climax, but before the climax of the wife, whether it is possible for her to immediately excite herself with touches so as to climax?” And the answer is the same no matter how climax for the wife is achieved (other than by the natural act).
"Saint Alphonsus cites several authors answering “No”. He agrees with this answer, explaining the reason. First, the climax of the wife is not essential to procreation, as it is for the husband. So her act, in exciting herself with touches after his withdrawal (after natural marital relations has ended) lacks the procreative meaning of sex. Second, the sexual pleasure of the wife, if it is obtained while they are separated, also lacks the unitive meaning of sex.
"Saint Alphonsus: “The reason: because the climax of the wife is not necessary to procreation; also, because this sexual pleasure of the wife, in as much as they are separated, does not occur as one flesh with the husband.” He also says that if this were permitted to wives, it would also be permitted to husbands. In other words, the wife is not under a different rule that the husband.
* Can unnatural sexual acts be used on either spouse as foreplay, without climax, to prepare for natural marital relations?
"No. The end does not justify the means. A good end, preparing for natural marital relations, does not justify the deliberate knowing choice of an intrinsically evil act as the means. And unnatural sexual acts are immoral regardless of whether climax occurs or not. Saint Alphonsus Liguori also teaches this point.
"Saint Alphonsus: “Whether it is a mortal sin for the husband to begin copulating in a disordered [or perverse] orifice, then afterward consummate the act in the proper orifice?” So the question is whether the spouses may begin their sexual activity with an unnatural sexual act, and subsequently consummate the act in the natural manner? The answer is No.
"Saint Alphonsus: “The reason is that this manner of his sexual act (even without climax) is truly sodomy, whether or not it is consummated, just as an act of copulation in the natural orifice of another woman is truly fornication, even if there is no climax.”
"The phrase in parentheses, “even without climax” are the words of the Saint, not my comment."