Write An Irresistible Dating Profile
Know what you want, then good luck getting anything remotely close
Yeah, whatever. We all want love. Don’t really need to wax rhapsodic on this, do I?
OK, maybe I do. The fact is that romance, sex, love… it’s all pretty fucking great. The question as we get up there in years is how to tackle the challenges of courtship when we haven’t done it in a few decades. One thing is clear: dating apps are here to stay, as nearly 70% of the people who meet online end up in a romantic, exclusive relationship.
If you’re thinking to go about meeting the next love of your life via a dating app, it will behoove you to take more than two minutes to draw up the perfect profile and put together a nice set of photos. I’m not advocating you put up anything that isn’t real, sincere, and heartfelt – it’s just that sometimes there are better ways to express a thing. Your message should be well-written and sincere but also compelling.
The other bit – I’m trying really hard not to turn into a sarcastic bitch here – GET REAL. About your good qualities, your flaws (lovable, though they might be), the condition of the merchandise, and yes, your friggin’ age. Do not, for one fucking moment, imagine that you are miraculously more appealing to the world than other people in your age category. Really? Even if you are exceptionally good-looking, in great shape, etc., let the potential suitor or suitress connect those dots.
If your goal is to snag someone young, with flawless skin and perky tits, just know that if a young thing is looking for a silver fox such as yourself, he/she will find you. Also know that those hankering for a lover the age of their grandfather is a teeny tiny percentage of the population. Your saying that shit out loud on a dating app will quickly eliminate the vast majority of people that might actually be into you. Any woman worth her salt will look at your proclamation of virility and immediately swipe left to get your offensive face off her screen.
To be clear, you do not need to lie about your height, age, and career or to post photos from when you were in your prime to find a great person. If you do lie about this shit on your profile and subsequently snag a date with that fantastic, beautiful woman you’ve always dreamed of, they will likely dump your sorry ass the minute they realize you lied. Guaranteed. This is a regular occurrence. Don’t believe me? Read all about it in the discussion groups on Reddit and Quora. There are many hilarious stories. Don’t make yours one of them.
FYI - approximately 70% of men on dating apps lie about their age, height, and careers and admittedly misrepresent themselves in their choice of photos. Fair warning, ladies. Sadly, women are equally deceptive, and perhaps more so, when you factor in the war paint, nail jobs, fake tits, push-up bras, hair color and highlights, and spray tans. Fair warning, men.
Enough heavy shit. Let’s take a musical breather. Remember that fantastic tune, “Escape” (from the late Cretaceous Period), about the personal columns in newspapers?
👇🏼 👇🏼 👇🏼 Some updated lyrics for your karaoke rendition. 👇🏼 👇🏼 👇🏼
Components of a Great Dating Profile
• Create a single paragraph profile that is positive in tone, and describes in simple terms who you are, what is important to you, and what it is you desire.
• Fill in as many of your basics on the dating app as is comfortable.
• Take time to consider the app’s prompts and use them as an opportunity to flirt, show off your sense of humor and to fill in more details about your style and tastes.
• Be all in on who you are.
• Provide current, high-res photos of you in different settings.
Things to Avoid in Your Profile
• Photos that are old, doctored up and/or use filters or are low quality.
• Photos with random friends/family leaving the observer wondering the relationships.
• Discussion of “dealbreakers.” Example: “A dealbreaker for me is a woman who doesn’t wear deodorant.”
• Bravado and/or lying about one’s career, education, etc.
• Negative discussions: your ex, things that turn you off, politics, etc.
Men hate to see discussions about a potential suitor’s financial and career status in a woman's dating profile. They also dislike lists of expectations, things wanted, and the expression of unreasonable goals.
Women can’t stand profile declarations like the man being “young at heart” (translation: looking for someone half his age) and not looking for “drama” or looking for a woman who’s “fit.”
Good for all profiles: humor, enthusiasm, a bit of flirting and ideas for activities that constitute a great date.
An Appealing Profile For Bumble
STUMBLING WITH BUMBLE: ANDY’S PROFILE
Original Profile Bio:
82 going on 42 – seeking mutual growth with an older woman 43+
Invested in future self for 50+ years – exercise – yes, alcohol and smoking – no
Widower after a loving 57+ year marriage
Enjoy helping people daily in my 46+ year job
Family nearby are there for me
Bucket list: live to 111
Your bucket list: ?
Problems:
• “82 going on 42” – a not-so-subtle indication of trolling for a younger woman, the #1 turn-off for all women
• “older woman 43+” – women in their early 40’s do not consider themselves “older,” especially if they are nearly half your age
• “invested in future self for 50+ years” – that would be SEVEN years before some of the ladies George seeks for companionship were even born – yikes!
• “family nearby are there for me” – implies health or cognitive issues
• “bucket list: live to 111” – sounds good, but most would consider that unlikely, especially if they’ve not met you in person
• go for a more conversational tone vs. a list
Keepers:
• “widower after a loving 57+ year marriage”
• “enjoy helping people daily in my 46+ year job”
New and Improved Bumble Bio:
Vivacious 82-year-old seeks a romantic relationship and mutual growth with an older woman. I am ready to give you my best, having taken care of myself with exercise and refraining from alcohol and smoking. Widower from a loving 57-year marriage who continues to pursue a career in public service. Looking for a loving companion who enjoys similar interests and is on board with my cross-dressing.
Get it together! And find someone lovely to fill your empty hours.
I’m happy to help you put together a great dating profile @ $50 a pop. Connect with me at Chris@ChristinaAndrews.net.
Love this!!!
This is a good public service for lonely old men. Hope you get some takers! Could benefit some ladies as well.